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Sunday, October 30, 2011

A Letter To My Younger Self

So, as I was sitting alone in my apartment this weekend, studying Phonetics and trying to understand the use of the Criciodarytnoid cartilage because I have this mega test Thursday that is a really big deal, I had an epiphany.
My life(to me) has been a crazy, topsy-turvy, unpredictable blob of circumstances. And boy, oh boy! I have a lot to say.

So, I decided to write A Letter To My Younger Self.

here we go.

Dear precious Caitlyn,

You are the tender age of 13. And very unsure of what is going on around you. You're not sure why mama is crying so much or why daddy isn't around like he used to be. Nanaw comes over a lot. And you have this sense that something isn't right.

You're very young, so, you aren't supposed to know exactly what is going on but, you certainly know that it's not good. You go to school and all you can think about is why is mama crying so much. And you worry what it's going to be like when you get home. But, you are a strong-willed, independent woman-just like your mother. It's just that neither of you know it yet.

"Divorce is a bad thing" is what you have heard your entire life. So, you keep telling yourself that it will never happen to your parents. But, sweet girl, sometimes bad things end up having a sweet ending. The divorce will teach you more than you can ever imagine. You will appreciate the lessons that you would not have learned otherwise. I look back on this and I think that it was a blessing. God knew exactly what He was doing.

You will be angry some. Okay, actually, most of the time. But, it's only because of the hurt you are experiencing. Mama can only be so much. And she is doing the best that she can, which is perfectly enough. And there are people there actually wanting to help you. You have a wonderful support system that only has the best for you in mind. Just, don't shut them down.

But, in everything that happens, be thankful. Be thankful for the opportunity to see this now and not 20 years later when you yourself is faced with divorce. Be thankful that you now know what you DO NOT want in a marriage. And what kind of men not to fall for. The life-lessons you will take from the divorce, you will never have another opportunity to learn.

You will go throughout high-school, and you are just dying to get out of there! You just know that college is SO much better. And you would be correct! Your first year of college will be the best ever. You will meet so many wonderful people, and you will sorta-kinda figure out who you are as a person. But, most importantly, you will learn not to be angry with God about the terrible time you had with your parents divorce. You very slowly begin to see His plan. But, you have only seen a small glimpse of what He has in store.

You will change your major 7 times. That's right-7. Bless you, you just can't figure it out. But, you finally do. The summer before your 3rd year at ICC(aka-the best place on earth), you decide on Speech Pathology. And at first, you were kinda skeptical about it (and you still are skeptical about it 2 years later) but, like always, this will turn out like it's supposed to.(I can't say how it does turn out because that part is still on-going.) The only thing I can rejoice in is that God knows EXACTLY what He is doing.

The life-lessons you have learned thus far will be of great use your last semester at ICC. You will become very sick and you will not know why. But YOU WILL NOT BE ANGRY AT GOD. I repeat: YOU WILL NOT BE ANGRY AT GOD. What you are going through is bad and painful and comes at a really really bad time. But, you need to know that it is all happening for a reason. You will be a better person for it. All of the pain and stress and anger and MESS will all be justified one day. Yes, it hurts. And no, it's not fair. Just, don't question why it is happening to you.
You will know in perfect time.

And last but certainly not least, finding a "man" is a HUGE deal to you. All of your friends have boyfriends and you are just awkward and unfortunate, but you are beautiful and one day, the perfect man will come into your life. And you will be SO thankful you didn't give those guys the time of day. He will be all of those ridiculous, charming, romantic things you have on that list of yours. He hasn't come along for me yet, but I know he is out there.

So, there are a lot of rough, emotional, unfortunate things that will happen in your life. But, there are more spectacular, joyful, wonderful, funny things that will happen, too.
Just wait and see.

One last thing... In everything you do, be thankful. Be thankful for the life you are blessed with. Be thankful for that job that you will hate some days but squall your eyes out when it's time to quit. Be thankful for the strong, independent, hilarious mother God has blessed you with. Be thankful for your health. Be thankful for the cold weather. And be thankful that you are alive.

I love you, very much.



Lauren said...

As I sit here crying and loving every word of this post, girl, you are a writer! Be proud of every circumstance that you have been faced with and believe in HIS plan all along. He knows exactly what he's doing! :)

I'm going to write a letter like this soon enough!

Lyndsey said...

that was fabulous, caitlyn!

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