Day of Silence.

Caitlyn. 

Angels.

My heart. 

It's a heavy, heavy and burdened heart.

This...horrific excuse of an event has tugged on heart strings across the world. 

Sandy Hook Elementary. 

Newtown, Connecticut. 

Friday, December 14, 2012. 

A mere 11 days before Christmas day.
The day we celebrate the birth of our Savior who is always present, always loving, always forgiving...

28 people deceased. 

20 of those are little first-graders. 

6 of those are faculty. 

I cannot speak for you all but this tragedy has left my heart and emotions very raw. 

It doesn't take much for me to cry. 

My mind, which is controlled by my heart these days, cannot stop replaying what the news outlets have released about the gruesome details surrounding the event. I hate it. I hate every single bit of this. 

If anything has ever touched my heart, it is this. 

This senseless act against the purest, least evil form of human life: children. 

 

As a sister, I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose my baby brother or baby sister. 

I cannot imagine the inner turmoil that would overcome my being. 

I cannot imagine the anger I would possess. 

I cannot imagine the emotional roller-coaster I would forever live on.  

As a daughter, I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose my mother. 

I cannot imagine the enormous loss that would overcome my life. 

I cannot imagine the sheer upheaval that would ensue in my family. 

I cannot imagine the emptiness my heart would forever own. 

As a friend, I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose a friend. 

More specifically, a Best Friend. 

I cannot imagine the tremendous loss of one's confidant=The person you share the silly/stupid/entertaining/true-life moments with and the person you call when you want Mi Pueblo. 

I cannot imagine the overwhelming sense of instability that I would live in because my Best is gone. 

I cannot imagine the unknown I would live in, knowing that the person who I told all of my secrets to is no longer with me. 

But being the mother of these children, that is one thing I cannot and will not imagine. 

I do not have children of my own. I cannot imagine the heartbreak. 

The only thing I can say is, I know my mother loves me to no depth. 

And a love like that is an undying love. 

An unconditional love. 

A love that words do no justice. 

A love that would die for her children, if it meant better for them. 

An unfathomable thing. 

I am mourning the death of innocence and childhood.
I am mourning the death of respect for one another. 

I am mourning the death of humanity.

To the parents, children, siblings, and friends of the victims, you are heavily on my heart and in my prayers.

May those precious angels rest in peace. 

caitlyn.